I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
