in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
false alarm. still invincible.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
