Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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