Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
There's even glitter on my cock...
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