if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I touched a dick in church today
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
