this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
