hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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