i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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