I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Maybe he injected his testicle?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
