I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
