so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
babies were throwing up all over the place
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Randomize
