soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
