took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
