I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
