It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
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