i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
