D3 body, D1 cock
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Randomize
