There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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