I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
