So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
