so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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