omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
