I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
