i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
