He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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