she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
