I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
of course. lets lasso hookers.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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