96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Damn victory sex feels great
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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