I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
