i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
