i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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