Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Randomize
