I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
