the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
