I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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