My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
