Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
