Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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