Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
