last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
