yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
