Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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