she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Randomize
