Im at strip club and am horny
I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Randomize
