So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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