It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
