as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
