I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
