White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
