If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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