I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
